WaterStories

What The Bleep Am I Doing?

// June 4th, 2009 // Travel Planning

We’re at T-minus five-weeks-and-one-day until we leave and I have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing right now. Seriously. How does one prepare for a two-month, two-country, two-season virgin voyage to the Third World?

The only thing anyone seems to be able to offer me is: ‘DIDJA GETCHER SHOTS?’ And while that is 100% valid and yes-I’m-on-it, vaccination won’t really help me in a day-to-day I’m-in-the-middle-of-Africa sense.

What do I need? What DON’T I need? I have a million questions.

All I really think about these days is what I’m going to wear. It sounds stupid and shallow, but I’m thinking of it in terms of suitcase spatial efficiency, weather appropriateness and cultural propriety, I SWEAR.

Because, look, it’s gonna be COLD IN AFRICA. For real. July is their coldest month averaging around 8 to 15 degrees C (46 - 60 F). Paris-in-February weather. Which was freaking CHILLY as I recall. And India’s a whole other story. August is hot as Hades – at least 40 degrees C (about 100 F) and, oh yes, monsoony.

Also, something went weird with our flights, and on the way to India we literally have ONE HOUR in Johannesburg and one hour in Doha to make our connections. I do NOT want to have checked baggage. More to the point, I don’t want to LOSE any checked baggage. In freaking Doha.

Besides that, there’s something a little incongruous about taking seventeen different outfits to downtown Third World. Should a person not be okay with a single, small suitcase?

I’m thinking layers. I’m thinking wash-the-undies-in-the-sink and I’m thinking function waaaaaaaaaay over fashion. Let’s face it, chances are the folks I’ll be meeting will have other things on their minds besides what I’m wearing.

Except maybe when I’m running. Wait…are running shorts and tank tops even appropriate? Will I be able to run at all? Or will I be a scantily clad moving target? Oh dear.

Regardless, my current plan is to go expedition style: imagine I’m on a backpacking trip and have to carry all my possessions for long distances. That will tame any over-packing impulses. And it will also entail a boatload of Merino wool, I suspect. (God, I love Merino wool.)

Then there’s toiletries, the most annoying category of Things To Pack. Toiletries take up too much space. And, trust me, travel-sized anything is USELESS. Everyone I meet tells me to bring a medicine cabinet’s worth of drugs: antihistamines, anti-diarrheals, antibiotics, pain killers. Mosquito nets. Full-body condoms. I don’t know.

I’ve started researching online, but I don’t feel like trusting web sites from safari companies. Their packing lists remind me of summer camp and people demanding I write my name in my underwear.

Not. Cool.

Blogs are the way to go for true-to-life information. Only I’m striking out as far as India goes. All I’m seeing are posts from people who pack Escada suits and two pages of brand-name skin care products.

THESE ARE NOT MY KIND OF PEOPLE.

This girl? Who went to North and East Africa for two months and has a similar disdain for toiletries? Is my kind of people. And it looks like she’s a one-bagger, too.